Sunday, February 10, 2008

Constipation Station (Similar to conjunction junction?)

There are moments when I feel what I would term, "writer's constipation." Granted, I don't know that I am worthy of the title, writer, but at this moment, the constipation portion seems to speak directly into my situation. There are so many lessons and thoughts and pursuits rumbling around within me and yet, I cannot for the life of me seem to find a way to allow them to exit my body. And thus, you land in writer's constipation. The feeling of the need to go and no feasible way to get the process started. Too bad prune juice wouldn't work for this.
But in the midst of this, I guess I can explore the last few days. My body, mind and soul have been tired. I have had one meeting after the other and I feel like in some ways I missed out on a good portion of my daughter's life this week. And the moments that I was around, I was so tired that I didn't realize the gift it was to be in her presence, and I found myself frustrated with the fact that she was acting like a 2 yr old, even though she is 2 and that should be okay.
It's been one of those weeks where it seemed like everyone was doing things to upset me. I walked around feeling unloved and disrespected and a little beaten down. I was doing an amazing job of thinking of myself.
And though that seemed like it should be my right, I was miserable. Until I realized I need to take a mandatory day off, a Sabbath, just like God told us to. (Imagine that, He knows how to live out life better than me...) And I realized that it was time to pursue those around me, my husband and my super cool rockstar daughter. I gave Ted the morning off and took Hannah out on a date. I tried to do everything that she would love, even if it was a challenge for me. And you know what I found? Joy. Loads of it. Enough to revive my deadening heart. Enough to leave me sitting around constantly talking about how great that date was. Enough for years of warm fuzzies to continually dance around within my heart. God wasn't kidding around when He said that we are "to look to the interest of others before we look to our own..." And what I love about God is that He didn't just have someone write that down, He gave us story after story showing us how that truly is the best way to live. And to top it all off, Jesus came and lived it out. It's pretty sweet.

Sorry, this isn't so packaged. In fact, it's a little awkward. But, to relieve constipation, I guess you have to try and engage in the act if you're ever going to relieve the pressure. Hopefully things will start to work themselves out in the process.
And I hope to write soon about the message at my church this morning. I was nearly brought to tears by the most beautiful description of the creation of Adam and Eve this morning and the ramifications it holds for us as men and women. Unbelievable stuff. Feel free to check my church's website out and listen to Matt's portion of the message at Just download the message from today, 2-10-08. Curt starts everything out and then Matt continues. (And then Mark finishes because in the midst of all this, Matt proposed to his soon to be wife!) All portions are great, but specifically, listen to the Hebrew background on the creation of Adam and then Eve. You may cry, too!

PS: When I first started to write this, I had Hannah sitting right next to me. I told her I'd read her what I wrote and she could tell me what she her ideas to make it better. Her response: Cookies. And you know what, I think she's right.


  1. i know what you mean by "writer's constipation" but wow. you are so graphic. :-P

  2. I love how open and honest you are with your feelings! You are so genuine! Love, love, love it!

  3. Ames! I LOVE your heart! Thanks for the vulnerability and the willingness to be genuine. Matt's message has impacted so many - I've shared the mp3 with all of my friends, and those who don't typically cry (yes, they're girls) tell me "I cried!". You are where you are supposed to be. God knows and He cares. And so do I...Velvet