Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I haven't known what to write.
And let's be honest, I haven't known what to feel.
Or if I feel.
It's those moments where tears start to form that I know - I do.

Two days after I started my break I got a little surprise. 
I found out I was pregnant.
And by little surprise - I mean BIG-whopping-completely unexpected-are you serious? -  kind of surprise.
We had definitely planned to adopt, but we were not planning on having any more of our own.  Like - we-don't-have-maternity-coverage-so-we're-not-having-any-more.

I'd totally be lying if I said I was thrilled.  More like shocked. 

But...I started to accept it.  My jaw slowly resumed its position OFF the floor.  Though it still seemed a little crazy, I started to remember the joys of little new-born-ness.  And how much they change your life in such a great way.

Instead of continuing on factually, I'm just going to get it out there.
I've started having complications.

And I find myself sitting in a doctor's office every other week wondering if this little one will be have a heartbeat.
I stare down the light blue walls.  I laugh at the tropical island picture on the ceiling.  I psycho-analyze the magazine collection and I wait.  And I basically distract myself as I sit wondering if she still has a heartbeat.  Wondering if she's okay.  Wondering if I will hold her in my arms or if Jesus will be the one to hold her until I get to meet her one day...



So I apologize for being distant.  I just haven't known what to say.  I still don't. 
But the beautiful thing is that in all of this is that people have carried us when we could not walk.  Friends have prayed when I had no words.  And God has broken through and helped me learn to trust Him again.

So thank you for your patience.  I'll know more next week hopefully.  And in the meantime, I'll treasure this time that she is with me.


  1. You know I've got you covered with thoughts and prayers. I'm SO here for you. Love you. One day at a time...

  2. Oh Amy, your honesty is heart breaking and beautiful - Thank you for sharing this story no matter how hard it was for you to find the words. It's things like this that help us understand what God went through when He sent His Son to live on earth. I'm praying for you and your family.

    ps> Mary didn't have maternity coverage either and Jesus turned out fine.

  3. And cue more tears...but the good kind. The kind that come when you realize how blessed you are to have you two in my life. Thank you...

  4. oh Amy. I would love, love to come over for Dinner. Or, I would even settle to take you up on the pancakes on a Saturday morning offer from last year. I am so blessed by your honesty through your blog. I love hearing from hearts on these things. Praying for you and your family. Let's make that a number 13 on the 2011 list... Pray diligently for others. You're on that list. I am so blessed by you each week at Life. Thanks for all you do!

  5. i will be praying for you and your family during this difficult time!

  6. Thank you ladies so much. Your words and your prayers are incredible encouragements to me. Thank you...