Thursday, April 29, 2010


I am an addict.
True story.
My nemesis?
Extreme amounts of purpose.
Yep, I'm addicted to a purpose driven life.  (Not so much the book.  Couldn't seem to read it.)
I cannot rest.
I cannot relax.
I am inept at the art of letting go and having fun.
I am too calculated.
I rush through moments to push on to the next.
And my insides have been known to inwardly revolt when asked to wait.

The problem?
It could look like I'm living a good life.
It's what much of America and Christian Churches are looking for.  (Please note I said much, not all.)

Too bad I lost my soul.

And being an artist? 
Let's just say these two can't be friends.

So...I'm trying to purposefully attack my purposeful pursuits.
And yes, I laughed out loud as I wrote that.  Even if you didn't laugh when you read it...

Today I made myself lay there during the kids rest time.
Just lay there.
Ideas and to-do lists attacking my very brain.
And yet, I laid there.
And laughed with God at how painful the experience was.

But I just know there's something better out there.  This isn't what He wants for me.
And to take the images my soul is longing for, that I know I can, this part of me must go.
Because true artistry causes us to lose all sight of being purposeful and be caught up in the moment.  Or at least, I think so.


  1. Don't be too hard on yourself, you sound like you're a proverbs 31 lady - which, I think is something we are suppose to strive towards. . . idk, being still is good too. . . I feel like saying more than this, but my bed is calling me and . . . I can't resist it.

  2. Once again, you seem to have read my thoughts... and put them into a post well said! Its funny, but after reading your words, I thought, "Oh no, dont attack those purposeful pursuits to hard, its what makes you you!" Then I realized that's what I needed to hear! Ha! Seems, I'm always tryin to deserve Gods love, instead of just basking in it!
    We should just let go of the worry and embrace the purpose, I guess... unless the two are mutually exclusive...hmmmm. Anyway, I think you already ARE an artist, you don't need to become one!

    BTW - I LOVE laughing with God too... even though we're usually laughing at me! Ha!