Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Late night ramblings on far too little sleep

I'm not in control.
You'd think I'd get it by now.
But somehow I manage to entertain these grandiose notions that I have control over things.
Not so much.

I don't like it.

And yet, I do.

Today was supposed to be drastically different.
Today had plans.
Today had destinations.
Today let me know it had different plans in mind.

My insides wanted to buck said plans.
They (my insides) threw their own little anxiety-ridden revolt.

But in this moment, I know.
These circumstances have reminded me that there are no guarantees in life, that life is short and all those other beautiful epiphanies that the surprises in life oftentimes bring.
And what I'm trying to remind myself of?
He loves me.
No matter what.
And He is here.
No matter what.  He didn't throw around that whole "God with us" name for nothing.
And He will listen.
And He will wait when I feel the urge to sit in my anger instead of talk with Him.
And He will grieve with me when my heart aches.
And He will smile and possibly even bust a move when I am so excited I feel like dancing.
And that is beautiful.

I don't have control. But I'm also not alone.

The end.

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