The past month...

One month ago, I learned that we were in a decent amount of debt.
Three weeks ago, two people came in and saved our lives. They gave us a no interest loan and helped us find a way to get back on our feet again.
Two weeks ago, I wondered if winter was literally sitting on my throat taunting me and telling me I am frail and might not make it another day.
One week ago, I won a free registration to WPPI, a huge photography convention from a crazy awesome company called Shootsac.
Six days ago, I wondered how on earth I would pay to get there. And I went with a friend to the doctor and teared up as I realized her current reality is filled with these. I left ridiculously thankful that my body is not warring against itself. And I prayed that God would heal her.
Five days ago, I had a flight booked, I found a place to stay on the cheap with someone I had actually already met and excitement started to overtake my heart.
Four days ago I dreamed big dreams.
Three days ago I went to my church and was reminded of what is beautiful in life. (Incredible interview with a founding member of the Apparent Project working in Haiti. Hearing about the earthquake and all that God did was so humbling) And dreamed even bigger dreams with a fresh sense of what really matters in life. I left wanting to live a life that mattered.
Two days ago, I watched my favorite doctor ever listen to my son’s heart and I was overcome with all the things God keeps going in my precious little people’s bodies. And I wondered why I worried about things when He keeps their body systems going.
Two days ago, I was driving to the gym and my engine light decided it wanted to bond with the letter “H” which I knew didn’t stand for Hannah.
Yesterday, my car informed our mechanic that its engine would cease to exist.
Yesterday, I asked friends to pray.
Yesterday, I realized I’m blessed that I even own a car. I’m not entitled to that.
Yesterday, I laughed as I realized God had me buy my plane tickets to the convention before this happened.
Yesterday, I called my parents 4 times.
Yesterday, I spent 3 hours mournfully cleaning out my car and praying blessing over the next person who would own it.
Yesterday, my husband researched, prayed and decided where he should drive the car on its last possible ride to try to sell it.
Yesterday, my husband negotiated with a man for 3 hours.
Yesterday, I sent my husband a text message while he sit with that Toyota car salesman he was negotiating with that said, “They will have to do at least a little better or I’ll gladly look into a chevy. After all, we’re there because THEIR flipping engine broke.”
18 hours ago, said salesman lowered it to the price I wanted.
16 hours ago, we bought a “new to us” car.
14 hours ago, my husband updated our budget on mint.com and informed me that now we will have $100 of wiggle room. We laughed. And we talked about how we still want to find ways to give, even if we don’t have much.
3 hours ago, I drove my daughter to preschool and I mourned the fact that I was no longer in my beloved white Toyota Highlander. I will miss the extra room. But most of all, I’m sad because I thought that’s the car we’d welcome Mia home in. (That’s what we’ve named the little girl that we want to adopt one day. It means “Mine” in Italian.) I cried because I felt like we took a big step backwards from finding her and adopting her.
1 hour ago, I cried as my husband held me. I cried because the birthday money I received and the money I had worked to earn for a flash for my camera was gone. It had to go to pay for a car since ours broke. I cried because I know deep within me this business is exactly what I’m supposed to do, and yet, my circumstances look as though it may never happen. I cried knowing God is with me and yet aching because though this makes a better story, it just hurts.
10 minutes ago, I got an unexpected phone call from my inspiration - the lady that inspired me to pursue this in the first place, our wedding photographer, Kiera. (I still adore her and consider her a friend. And she’s so talented.) She gave me hope and advice and offered to answer my questions about anything.
1 minute ago, I cried by myself because I know God will take care of me. And probably because I’m on my period and I’m emotional.
5 seconds ago, these pictures made me happy...